The Closer
2004 December, Wednesday, 6:21 A.M.
A loud knock on the door abruptly woke me up. After giving my alarm clock an instinctive glance I hesitantly hobbled through the door to open it. Elaine was the first person who caught a glimpse of me that day.
“Hey, John sorry for waking you up,” the neighbor apologized. “I just came to get my book back. I need it for today.”
“Oh, sure no problem,” I quickly replied even though it’s no secret that I was a bit annoyed for the sudden disturbance. My irritation however, faded away as soon as I returned her the book, which was welcomed with a smile I had bent my admiration on ever since the first time I saw her, which I think was 4 months ago.
“Thanks John. See you later!”
Elaine immediately left to attend her 7:00 class. Since I will not be having my class until 2 in the afternoon I locked the door and went back to my bed, with that soft smile still lingering inside my noggin for quite some time. Soon afterwards I dropped asleep.
2:17 P.M.
My laziness once again got the best of me: I woke up 10 minutes before 2:00. I frantically donned my vintage t-shirt and khaki shorts hanging on my cabinet, scooped up my notebook and rushed to the open road in hopes of catching a ride on the first jeepney to the campus I’ll see. Upon the arrival of a near-empty jeep, there she was, Elaine as if heaven-sent with a message of hope.
“Hi John, it’s your lucky day!” I couldn’t agree more, I said to myself. “I just met your classmate in Math36 and he said you have no classes today.”
What a relief, I muttered. Of course, relief is an understatement. There I was, in the middle of civilization filled to the brim with scampering students, with no classes and standing face to face with the girl I have a massive crush on. As I was about to deliver my words of gratefulness (not to mention my shy intention of treating her to a drink at Blitzwave) she went inside the vehicle I was supposed to take.
“Well I’ve got to go John. I’m late for Hum2. Bye now!”
The jeep whizzed away, leaving in its wake a cloud of poisonous carbon monoxide. I couldn’t be any happier. That is until I discovered I forgot my wallet at the dormitory.
11:04 P.M.
I arrived half-asleep in my studio-style home a bit aware of the turn of events I encountered. After retrieving my wallet form the clutches of my covers and pillows I celebrated my recent meeting with Elaine at Barracks. The continuous game time took its toll on my fund but what the heck. This was such a great day that it is just fitting that I cap it off with a godlike streak. With my retirement on my sheets imminent, I took a quick look on a photograph inside my wallet. It was a picture of that sweet angel. I closed my eyes, slowly moved the photo close to my lips, then dropped dead asleep.
Thursday, 7:46 A.M.
I had a good sleep, and I woke up with plenty of time to spare before my 9:00 PE class. A lengthy trip to the showers was followed by a sumptuous meal of pancit canton and rainbow bread. I left my unit and after a few steps away from the door Elaine greeted me.
“Good morning John! I see you’re off to Baker hall. Care to walk with me?”
Ah, my good fortune followed me even today. Even better, she was going to Baker hall herself. Even much better was that it was just 8:28 so we had enough time to walk all the way towards the destination. The best of all was that she’s wearing a rubber swimsuit plus mini shorts. Wow, was she so attractive that day. It was the best 24 minutes of my life. That is until a neon-silver Vios parked in front of the dormitory gate. A cocky-looking face peered out of the window.
“Yo Elaine how about a ride to Baker?”
What I heard next caused me ear bleeding.
“Sure! Sorry John, see you later.”
Then they were off. At least she spent 26 seconds with me.
Thursday, 8:57 P.M.
I never got to see Elaine after she went inside the streamlined mobile. I never felt miserable my entire life. So this is how it feels. Heck, it sucks more than not being able to stroke a keyboard for three straight days. I had no intention of sleeping but my body was too bummed out to stay up late. As my head bounced on the cotton-soft pillow I heard the neighboring door open. She’s home. Now’s my chance to talk to her. I wanted to get up but after a few seconds the door closed again and heard her and a guy chattering. I didn’t bother getting up to see if my speculations were precise. I just tried to sleep.
Friday, 10:19 A.M.
I left the PhySci building after my Chemistry lab then scurried off inside a jeep to go on my way home. I haven’t seen Elaine then and I figured I wouldn’t be seeing her now that I will be leaving Laguna for the weekend. As the winds slapped my face around I began racing after my own thoughts. Elaine, oh how gorgeous is her lips, how elegant her long, black hair. Her hazelnut eyes that transcend through the course of my sanity, her smile a plethora of angels serenading me to oblivion. Her body, that-
“Hey, can you please give my fare to the driver?”
“Oh, sorry.”
“John?”
“Elaine?”
I stammered. For the first time in my life I felt clumsy with myself. I hurriedly reached my hand on my pocket to salvage some lost coins.
“Oh hi there! Uhh, don’t worry about you’re fare I’ll pay for you!”
“No, it’s ok I can help myself.”
“But I can’t just sit there and watch you suffer the lose of your significant peso I have to assume my gentlemanly responsibilities and…oh damn I forgot my wallet again.”
“So you have no means of paying for your fare?”
“Oh my..yes,” were all the words I can muster. By then, I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.
“Oh, is that right,” she giggled a heavenly giggle. “Don’t worry I’ll pay for you.”
“But-“
“I insist. If you want to you can just pay me back next week.”
“Ok,” I hesitantly replied. “Gee, thanks Elaine.”
“It’s fine actually. So, how’s life treating you?”
I wanted to answer it was so good to me because it gave me the chance to know you. Of course I didn’t tell that to her. But I found myself relaying her the things I am not used to telling other people. I also heard her stories, most of which were about her estranged love affair with 4 people.
“I still have my virginity intact don’t worry,” she joked, to which I reluctantly laughed at. “Of course, I feel lonely now that I am all alone with all the hurt ravaging me from the inside. It’s such a tribulation to live a life that has been trampled in all corners. Sometimes I question why am I still alive.”
At that brief moment, I experienced a sudden surge of courage, with a heaping dose of adrenaline and testosterone.
“Don’t say such things. If you come to think about it, the trials you have encountered are the very things that will make you stronger. You say that your life is trampled in all corners; I say you should get up and reestablish them again. It doesn’t matter if they get trampled again as long as you keep on rebuilding them. At first this may seem impossible but you will soon realize that it is so easy to do.”
Her brown eyes and angelic smile were focused solely towards me, signaling me to continue. “I one believed that good fortune is bestowed to only those who are destined to experience them. That not all people are fortunate enough to die with a smile upon their faces. Eventually, I learned that good fortune is not a gift that’s given to the righteous alone, it is one man’s salary, the fruits of his labor. One cannot enjoy the luxuries of life without toiling for them. The same with love. You cannot experience the true happiness of loving and being loved if you harbor ill feelings brought by the past.”
What I have said lifted me to new heights. My amazement with myself even increased further when I saw her smile wider than before. “That was very well said, John. Thank you.” Our talk was very much a goldmine for me that I didn’t notice we were already in Alabang. As I climbed on a bus I waved goodbye to Elaine. Along the ride I received a text message.
“John, thnx 4 evrythng. Our talk meant a lot to me. I just wnt 2 say tht *some text missing* "
I never received the other half of the message. That however, did not stop my lips from forming the widest smile I have ever made in my entire life.
2005 June, Wednesday 3:47 A.M.
Six months have passed since that faithful jeep incident. Since then, Elaine and I had gotten even closer that I have hoped. I find myself skipping my Barracks sessions just to spend sweet nothing with her. That mere fact made me conclude that I have truly fallen for her. Which is why sitting beside her on the dormitory bench for 3 full hours did not cause me any discomfort. She had her head bent on my shoulders, to which my heart replied with a series of boom booms. With that, I could no longer control my mouth.
“Elaine, the past months have been a blast. We have been together all this time and that made me so happy. I cannot remember anything that’s much more enjoyable than being with you all day long. What I’m trying to say is that Elaine, I-”
She was asleep. Darn, and I was about to confess my feelings for her. I nonchalantly carried her to her unit and peacefully laid her body in her satin sheets. Right then and there, she opened her eyes and whispered what I believe was the other half of the message she sent me six months ago.
“I am so happy to meet you John.”
Her body was now all that I wanted it to be: mine.
2005 September, Tuesday, 8:19 A.M.
We never had a commitment with each other because of Elaine’s trauma. It didn’t matter since we loved each other out of mutual understanding. What I did not understand was the disapproval of my friends who, upon hearing of my relationship with Elaine stormed my unit and told stories.
“Pare, this girl you’re dating, she’s no good. I’ve heard she once had three boyfriends simultaneously.”
“That’s nothing pare. You know this guy who owns a Vios? Well rumor has it that the guy and your girlfriend are meeting each other privately, if you know what I mean.”
“So pare, have you slept with her?”
“Ok guys, enough!” I was at the peak of my anger. “If you could not accept Elaine for what she is then I have no need of people who know nothing but ridiculous gossips of the one woman who I love and that you fantasize.”
“So that’s what you think of us? For all the concern we give you? For all the support? Then stay with your bitch girlfriend!”
I knew I was wrong. I wanted to apologize but this rude concoction of love and pride kept me from doing a thing.
2005 October, Monday, 9:19 P.M.
I was hurting from the harsh consequences of my concentrating on being with Elaine. Just this morning, I skipped my Physics class for the 8th time, which meant I would fail the subject. My 3rd failure this semester. I had all the reason to be absent as I was in the middle of my lovemaking with Elaine, although it didn’t occur to me that in our four months being together we hadn’t gone all the way. I cannot however discount the fact that her consistent moaning during our private times did satisfy me enough to reject the idea of any forms of intercourse. As I entered the dorm gates, the unthinkable happened- the words of my friends came back to haunt me. Of all people I should not be clobbered by these rumors. It was an eternity trying to close the gate, as I struggled to convince myself that Elaine is mine and she is a dignified lady, contrary to what I was hearing. I neared Elaine’s door then came to a halt. I heard the same moans that excited me when I was with her. The only different thing was that I was outside, she and someone else was inside. For some reason I glanced down, and saw a laminated driver’s license. The same cocky face that peered out of the Vios. The same guy my friends were talking about. The same guy that was fucking the living daylights out of the girl I loved more than everything else.
To make matters worse it’s not even curfew time.
2005 November, Monday, 8:00 A.M.
I conceded my slot in the esteemed university of Laguna due to my deteriorating grades, not to mention I have no more friends left. I was busy packing up my things when the dormitory radio blasted my ear with a contemporary hit:
“The closer I get to touching you,
The closer I get to loving you,
Give it time just a little more time..”
I quickly escaped the confines of the unit, trying to remain deaf to the lingering sound. I wanted to flash one more look at the dormitory I once regarded as my home but I did not, for fear of seeing her. I did not look back but I did see her. Engulfed within the arms of that very guy she has chosen over. I held my head low and went my way. Let’s not get any mushy now.
*****
*some text missing*Im so hapi to meet you. But now, I’m torn. Thre’s dis guy. I know u’ve met him. I harbor a strong feeling for him, but den u came along. I wnt to be sure dis time. I dnt wnt to hurt anymore. I hve 2 try.
posted by akosialex @ 8:16 AM
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