rebuttal
As I have wanted all along, I received very interesting reactions regarding my previous post. While the comments were few (actually dalawa lang clang nagcomment..hehe), it's just fitting that I elaborate further on my post which by the way is grammatically wrong (but the message it conveys is true).
*****
When we talk about love, two of its kind pop in our mind: the idealistic type and the realistic one. Idealistic love is the one which is depicted in movies, tv shows, etc. where fate, desiny, and love as an emotion rule. Realistic love on the other hand is basically the type which longs for idealistic love. It may sound ironic and confusing, but a clear observation on this one will reveal its truthfulness. In reality, it is pathetic for someone to rely heavily on our media-conceieved idea of what love is supposed to be, that love is the grandest gift of destiny. Is it rational, or even realistic to say that love in all its aspect is an emotion, the same as happiness, sadness and anger?
When someone says "I love you," he/she is saying it with repesct to what he feels. Yes, love the emotion does exist. However, contrary to what many people believe, this love encompasses only the affection, desire, etc. of that person to another, not the "destiny" or "fate" that it was suppossed to be with. Strong emotions lead to fast decisions which are not always rational and practical. Leaning on this belief thereby supports the side that love is capable of doing anything (and by anything, I mean anything w/o regard of morality or lack thereof) thus violating the nearest (and quite possibly best) definition of love as stated in the Bible: "Love does not delight in evil."
What then, does this mean? Love as an emotion, is simply an emotion, an infatuation, which suggests actions that may or may not fall on our preferences of principle and morality. Romance may feed heavily on feelings, but true love is more about decision-making. The simplest proof to this definition is that it is impossible to like a trait of a person that you despise.
Bottomline: We can say that love is a tussle between feelings and decisions. But when it all boils down to it, love will always lead to a person choosing what to do next.
PONDERPOINT: When we fall for someone, take agood look at him/her. You will notice that he/she is quite attractive while those around you think otherwise. Ask yourself, have you fallen for him/her because he/she fits your view of beauty or is it because you chose to make him/her beautiful the way you want him/her to be?
PP2: When you fall for someone, again ask yourself, did you fall in love because the traits she possess that you like the most overwhelm you to the point that anything else can't replace the image of the one you love on your mind? Or did you fall in love because you have learned to ovelook the positives and negatives and love him/her for who she is and not the all-positive image of him/her?
posted by akosialex @ 7:01 AM
28 Comments:
The simplest proof to this definition is that it is impossible to like a trait that you despise.
^
wait, do you despise defeat? or do you accept it? its the same thing, you need to learn to accept what you despise and maybe, just maybe turn a blind eye to that trait and just focus more on the other loveable qualities she/he has. XD
yan ka nanaman sa generalizations mo. tsk tsk tsk!
"wait, do you despise defeat? or do you accept it? its the same thing, you need to learn to accept what you despise and maybe, just maybe turn a blind eye to that trait and just focus more on the other loveable qualities she/he has"
what i mean by "like" is the instinctive one, kind of like i hate people who are blatant liars. no, i cannot learn to love someone who is a blatant liar so it is up to her to stop lying.
same goes with your example. i despise defeat. yes, but it is not my lover's responsibility to love my weakness. true, she has to accept my weakness but it is my reponsibility not to at least lessen the influence of this weakness on me. otherwise the relationship is doomed.
the given statement is incoplete. ill correct it later sorry bou that. still, you cannot accuse me of generalizing all these as i witnessed the truths i posted in my blog firsthand.
oh yeah btw, you cannot turn a blind eye to a blatant blemish. it's just impossible. it's like crapping on the toilet and not flushing it down.focusing on the positives is impossible as your eyes will always look on the weakness.
before you accuse me of anything, please be involved in a relationship first. it appears you yourself are stating facts that people who have been in boy-girl relationships should know, which btw i have been a part of.
wow ang taray ko. cnxa. but defending my beliefs is probably the bravest thing i could've ever done in my life. so there.
let me bring back your question to you. can you love someone who lies a lot, knowing taht you hate liars? or are you telling me that you will instead accept her lying and actually remain apathetic to that while you stand there hurting and deppressed? if you ask me, that's a thousand times worse that taking a bath in a cr with a toilet whose innards are not flushed down.
"let me bring back your question to you. can you love someone who lies a lot, knowing taht you hate liars? or are you telling me that you will instead accept her lying and actually remain apathetic to that while you stand there hurting and deppressed? if you ask me, that's a thousand times worse that taking a bath in a cr with a toilet whose innards are not flushed down."
^
the basic answer is no, why?
THAT IS CALLED STUPIDITY but of course, many people still do it.
you know that it's bad enough that she lies to you, but you love her still and yet you only let it happen to you. but how come?
~~
"and why would you get hurt and depressed?"
^
they say that the truth hurts, and isn't it a fact that most lies can help make a relationship last longer, the more you lie to yourselves, the more you understand the person and how they would like to be treated, if she cheats? what could be the reason? she doesn't see that in you. so what should you do so that she wouldn't cheat anymore? do what you didn't do before, ignite your love more, fuel your passion. it just means that she doesn't see that in you and she wants you to realize it as well. by the way, most of the time, girls/boys want their own partners to fill their own void, so as much as possible they want their partners to understand them, their wants and their needs. (LOGIC101 dude. tinuro samin ng prof namen, un malupet un sa babae kahit na para syang bakla)
by the way? why do people lie? because they want others to accept them, it is kind of a psychological mechanism of each individual so that he/she/it can be realized as an individual or be given at least a chance to give out attention. (from where did i get this? PSYCHOLOGY 206 dude, traits and personalities.)
~~
before you accuse me of anything, please be involved in a relationship first. it appears you yourself are stating facts that people who have been in boy-girl relationships should know, which btw i have been a part of.
^
the above statement is a very offending material to me you know.
alam mo, hindi ako makikipag girlfriend sa kung kani-kanino lang, marunong ako maghintay, hindi ako katulad ng mga tao na sadyang mabilis mainlove para pili na lang ng pili at ganon lang. pero mabilis rin maghahanap afterwards, i don't need to speed up the process, i have a lot of time, and if my time to die comes tomorrow then so be it, let me clearly give an example.
you CAN eat a mango while it is still unripe (sour), but why not WAIT for the mango to be of enough ripeness for the SWEETEST thing you ever tasted.
that is what i see in my on-going whatever~pseudorelationships. i do not want to commit not because i am scared of commitment itself but as i am a perfectionist, i want it to be simple and clean, no mistakes with no strings attached.
~~
so what do you call a relationship without lies? 2 things, the perfect (trust) relationship or NONE/a dream.
~~
"oh yeah btw, you cannot turn a blind eye to a blatant blemish. it's just impossible. it's like crapping on the toilet and not flushing it down.focusing on the positives is impossible as your eyes will always look on the weakness."
^
blatant blemish or whatnot, you can just talk to your partner and have a talk about what needs to be changed or whatever, if it doesn't work, go and accept her for how she is, but if she DOES change, then wouldn't that be better?
oh, and about your example, who cares if the flush is out? what do you do when that happens?
you find something/someone/anything you can do/call to fix the problem, it is that simple! if you want to say that the example should be sufficient? give another one.
~~
take a deep breath and answer.
WAIT. HALT. HUMINTO MUNA KAYO MGA AMP! HAHA. JOKE. Ako muna.
Quote - unquote:
Falling in love or being involved with it is a contrary-blackhole. You implicate yourself in it uncosciously and you can definitely get yourself out voluntarily.
Accdg to Forrest Gumps mother, Mrs Gump (Hehe.):
Love is like a box of chocolates. You'll never know what you'll be getting.
Accg to me:
If you don't like what you had picked, ibalik mo na lang sa lalagyan, kuha ka na lang ulet.
**
Pero IF you are deeply loyal into it, swallow it like a bitter pill. It'll make you feel better.
**
When to make yourself fall OR when to let someone fall for you has no timetables. It happens when it happens.
**
Having a partner or looking for someone to be with does not mean and should not mean that you are looking for someone to fill what you lack. Di ko alam kung pano to ieexpress e. Pero it is not necessary na direct complement mo yung partner mo. Out of concern na din siguro sa isa't isa kaya you try to make each other feel better.
Pero hahanap ka ng someone who you think magiging bagay kayo kasi ganun ka at ganun siya = 90 degree love (30+60=90; complementary)? Oh come on. You are not "loving". You are dissecting someone else's personality. You are choosing.
**
Answers from an expert. Saken nyo na lang itanong kung sino siya:
I.
Q: Loving LIARS?
A: No.
Q: How about you and ** and your *-year realationship?
A: Oo nga no? Di ko din alam. Ayaw nya makipag-break e.
Q: Ediba mutual dapat yun?
A: Di ko din alam e. * pa ako nun e.
II.
Q: Complementaries.
A: Mas OK siguro. Pero di ko napansin yun e.
**
For more info, ask me. :D
gosh. umaalis na tau sa topic. haha.
anyway, thanks for the very engaging, albeit intense discussion. now i have reasons to look forward to our overnyt. hehe
benzon: after writing down my comment, i knew you'd be offended. sorry bout that. i do appreciate the fact that you actually took the time to make your comment. haha. but to be honest, i was a little offended by your first comment, hence the harsh reply. still, you must take into consideration the fact that i have been into relationships, read some books, heard some seminars, and heard stories from very close people, thereby solidifying my conviction on what i've posted. no offense bro, but i can say i have more experiences than you have at the moment. although i'll admit you do have the edge in psychoanalysis and science thanks to your education. however, being the natural empiricist that i am, i lean more on first-hand experiences than written accounts. you have your points, and due to the danger of being off-topic (which basically has happened) i will no longer make any counters on your given points.
francis: i would like to knwo who this "expert" is. hehe.
all in all, thank you for such an incredible point-counterpoint battle royale. i believe this is the first time we did this in all the years we have spent together. haha. but before i end this, aon w/ your permission, i'd like to quote some of your words as my closing words:
"you CAN eat a mango while it is still unripe (sour), but why not WAIT for the mango to be of enough ripeness for the SWEETEST thing you ever tasted."
'nuff said.
so technically i won the battle and the war!
wahaha. XD
anyways.
~~
naisip ko lang na kung gagawa ka ng relationship na hindi complementary, mahirap pero syempre, like a pill it WOULD be bitter, but it would be better for you both. tama.
~~
btw, i don't want first-hand experiences. why? kasi i don't want to involve myself to danger. i use theories and probabilities on regarding personalities and or relationships, a la Beautiful Mind.
and first-hand experiences only gives you YOUR point of the story, what ever happened to the other person's point? and the people who noticed? what happened to their story? that is why i do not want a shoot-many-hit-one relationship, i want a sniped one with one shot down.
a la Hitman, hindi mo kailangan patayin lahat ng tao sa misyon, isa lang kailangan mo para matapos un.
BWAHAHAHA.
woah woah. nakakatakot naman yung sagutan na yun.. haha.. pero anggaling.. =] namuti ung mata ko sa pgbbasa.. nosebleed derechong english.. intense (as always..) =]
ALEX - saludo ako.. i looovee your ponderpoint and pp2.. wahaha.. asteeg.. =]
BENZON - good points man! pero mejo agree ako ke alex. saka icp ko in the end, umagree ka ren sa knya in a way e.. so you didn't really win.. well.. wala nman e.. tngn ko lng ah.. ehhe..
CIS - gusto ko ung kinowt mo saka ung box of chocolates.. haha.. onga.. anggaling.. tas tulad din ni alex, gsto ko ren malaman kng cnu ung "expert" na un.. hehe.. =]
sayang, dun sa overnight, kng mgddebate kau, pde ba ivideo nyo?? waahaha.. sayang at ndi ko masasaksihan ang intense na debate.. wahaha.. =]
"Pero hahanap ka ng someone who you think magiging bagay kayo kasi ganun ka at ganun siya = 90 degree love (30+60=90; complementary)? Oh come on. You are not "loving". You are dissecting someone else's personality. You are choosing."
^
hindi naman sa gusto kong kontrahin pero i'll clarify what i meant by hanap or something.
you complement each other not by making a 90 with 2 of you people. no, that's not the point, it is making 2 individuals as 90, so 180. as "supplementary" in a relationship.
you see what he/she needs to change in order for her to grow, not dissecting it for what you want for yourself either, but for what you see for her to grow and to develop. XD
~~
oh lovely, so ano ung point na sumang-ayon ako kay alex?
"PP2: When you fall for someone, again ask yourself, did you fall in love because the traits she possess that you like the most overwhelm you to the point that anything else can't replace the image of the one you love on your mind? Or did you fall in love because you have learned to ovelook the positives and negatives and love him/her for who she is and not the all-positive image of him/her?"
^
oh and another thing, what do you call something that you do not want to have and suddenly pops out of nowhere, finding out what she feels, being hurt as she is hurting, crying while she cries as well. and anything else she/he does seems to make you do exactly the same? do you decide those choices or not? i do not think so. but why do we do it sometimes(well, it depends on the person, i do it all the time.) is that how i call falling in love? i guess so in my opinion, but not disregarding what you are saying by the way, but yours is a different story. that could've happened to me but not to all people, like you.
oh, and one more thing.
i had this picture/a copy of a long forgotten bulletin for a long time, and it says.
(skipped parts. . .)
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE.
Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for there sake?
-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
-Then it's LOVE.
Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
-Then it's LOVE.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
-Then it's LOVE.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
-Then it's LOVE.
~ if i read too much and i could've been wrong, then all of this would've been a lie for as long as i could remember as i have been doing these stuff ever since.
~~
oh, you should've put a ponder point 3. and it should go something like this.
"there are still non-stereotypical persons in this world, maybe you are a part of those few."
hala akala ko tapos na ito. haha.
anyway, thanks again zon for posting the bulletin.
let me have my take on it:
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
-Then it's LOVE.
-No it's not. Well, not most of the time at least. That's PITY.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
-Then it's LOVE.
-Again a form of pity.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.
-Maybe, but why would it hurt? Elaborate.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
-Then it's LOVE.
-I strongly disagree with this. Well, mainly because of my definition of love.
the rest of the bulletin i agree.
teka lang bat ko ba pinatulan to?
hahahahahahahahaha
alex 2
Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
-Then it's LOVE.
-No it's not. Well, not most of the time at least. That's PITY.
~pity is how you feel towards her feelings, not because it is a SHARED feeling even though you do not really want it as well.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
-Then it's LOVE.
-Again a form of pity.
~you would know that they are still hurting inside yet you experience the pain even if they show a mask of happiness, what is pity about it?
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
-Then it's LOVE.
-Maybe, but why would it hurt? Elaborate.
~because they know our weaknesses and we always accept what they give us. even if it is pain or happiness.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
-Then it's LOVE.
-I strongly disagree with this. Well, mainly because of my definition of love.
~as i said, your definition of love is your own side of your story, not all people.
~
opinionated.
wow. ang cute. hehehe. iqquote kita ah.
WAIT ULET!
Nothing should tell you what is, when to, or how to love.
Affection should not be based on anything -- axioms, theories, facts (either written or verbal) --except you and your feelings. How love is to you is all that really matters.
Your heart may be broken when someone either of the same sex or the other is sad, but you know you are not in love with him or her.
At sabi ko nga, you know when to break free from the ties you've made with someone else. You may still have this strong feelings towards him/her but you know you must part ways.
Example ko si EXPERT.
**
Ako din may quotables.
Pili na lang ng bagong chocolate kung ayaw mo dun sa dati :D
**
At tungkol sa first-hand experiences, don't count me out. Experience, as they all say, is everybody's best teacher. I-compare na lang natin siya sa crunch time ng isang basketball game. The game is tied 90points apiece. Jumpball at the center court. Quoted from Mike Frattelo and other commentators, "throw the statsheet off the window. Whatever happens, happens." Anyway, who would have thought that Shaq had already hit a game-winning three-pointer in the earlier part of his career?
It is like love.
At oo nga.
Napakaintense nitong debate. Haha.
Pero mas maganda kung battle of views and points para mas masaya :D
Francis naalala ko 2loi ang isang tao na klala naten. haha. pareho ang situation nila ni expert. o baka pareho lang ung taong tinutukoi naten. haha.
"Affection should not be based on anything -- axioms, theories, facts (either written or verbal) --except you and your feelings. How love is to you is all that really matters."
agreed. feelings yes. mindset half-yes. but i have to say, love has one true meaning. whatever it's interpretation in our lives, we'll find it through experiences. one thing i'm sure, it's true meaning is far more complicated than just feelings.
"Nothing should tell you what is, when to, or how to love."
there is. you. even if you are so overwhelming with feelings, you can choose not to or to love. eventhough most of the time, people will give in to their feelings.
oh, final statement bago ko talagang hindi na magcomment dahil gusto na kitang barahin personally.
~~
what is love?
it makes us HUMAN.
we are not mere organisms who mate and just multiply, overpopulate, have sex and go on and on and on.
we are HUMAN because we have feelings, we know God created all creatures with feelings, but not all of them can understand it.
dogs, cats, pigs, rats, etc. can always come near you whenever you are near, why? it is a reflex, it is done by constant action, a stimulus perhaps from your advanced intellect to help the animal understand that you want it (the animal) to come near you.
it's kind of like pavlov's theory in psychology. (pardon if i am mistaken, it was already 1 year already since i learned this stuff.)
we have this ability to understand how we feel, and this does not come from any given reflex, this is an emotion, an instant stimulus/ stimuli that we do not know the main source, which i call as love.
sorry for being so technical once again, my brain is too involved into organic/ biological/ psychological/ logical/ analytical way of thinking. sorry friends.
we have been given the choice to pick, whether we get what we want or what we need, everything ends naman eh. depende na yun, minsan fate na mismo magdadala sa iyo nun.
"what if it doesn't?"
^
i read this in your other post, i just want a simple comment.
then you aren't made to love as a partner, you are made just to help others, why not serve others and feel content? that's what we are here for. (medical practicioners.)
we help/serve/love others but what do we get? other than our labor fees, we get nothing, but a simple thanks for all our efforts, and that was the effect of what we call, love of our own craft.
i'm not supposed to make a comment any longer, but i feel agitated right now.
first of all, the heated atmosphere is expected from a heated debate, and quite frankly there were words mentioned that shouldn't have been said, like my "misguided" comment. I apologize for that.
now, i am aware of your nature of not wanting to be defeated. we are are one and the same regarding said trait. which is why this sudden upheaval of views is expected.
what i have not expected though is how you started questioning the basis of my assumptions. i maybe wrong but in my world, i cannot be wrong, since i myself have experieced what i have shared in my blog, and that other people's works and researches and experiences have confirmed what i believed. again, no offense but the basis of your assumption came from conventional wisdom and psychology. while these two branches have legitimacy their grounds are confirmed by experiences, which apparently you don't have at the moment.
again, i will acknowledge your points. i can see you pay close attention to the nitty-gritty of psychology and i can say the information you have shared is right. what i question however, is how you have applied what you have learned through the situations you have cited. they may be true for other people, but not all people. for example:
"you CAN eat a mango while it is still unripe (sour), but why not WAIT for the mango to be of enough ripeness for the SWEETEST thing you ever tasted."
yes, waiting is a quality of love. this belief however is fueled by the one idea that your one true love will come when you least expect it. but as i have pointed out, what if it didn't come? does that mean you'll deprive yourself of the love you deserve just because s/he didn't come to pick you up? very circumstancial, isn't it?
as for your bf/gf comment, yes we all make mistakes the first time. i know i have. it its through these mistakes however that we make fresh, new, and proper decisions.
"alam mo, hindi ako makikipag girlfriend sa kung kani-kanino lang, marunong ako maghintay.."
what if yung hinihintay mo ay hindi girlfriend material? oh wait, don't tell me that the one you are waiting for is someone who actually fits your standards. that my friend is called wishful thinking. by waiting, you are actually allowing yourself to be in situations you want to be in.
as i've said, fairy tale endings are possible, but waiting for the right components of your fairy tale ending to arrive? not practical.
now, you said i was wrong. oh crap, i'm sorry i head that from a person was not involved in any relationships before. if those words came from someone who have had a dozen girlfriends, then i'll be more than happy to discuss with him on where did i go wrong.
now, you mentioned you don't want first-hand experiences because you fear the dangers that accompany it. you would rather use other people's experiences as basis. if you ask me, those are suicidal wods in a debate. in my view, with thsoe words, you have conceded this debate to me.
i tell you. waiting is not just simply sitting by the window. you have to take action. in my recent post i have posted a link which will give a more detailed albeit complex descriptin of love.
what we all know for sure is that the definition of love is not uniform.
again, i apologize for my harsh comments. but please please please. if you are to generalize something, have your own basis. i know i have mine. ho about you.
one more thing. i was forced to "research" for further explanation of my side.
thanks forr your comments and please keep them comming.
by waiting, you are actually allowing yourself to be in situations you want to be in.
oops, typographical error.
its supposed to be "in situations you don't want to be in."
that said please disregard this sentence in my previous comment.
lulubos-lubosin ko na ang pangbabara. hahaha
"what is love?
it makes us HUMAN.
we are not mere organisms who mate and just multiply, overpopulate, have sex and go on and on and on.
we are HUMAN because we have feelings, we know God created all creatures with feelings, but not all of them can understand it."
uhh. i know. love the feeling does exist. it's everywhere and i myself have felt it.
"we have been given the choice to pick, whether we get what we want or what we need, everything ends naman eh. depende na yun, minsan fate na mismo magdadala sa iyo nun."
fnally, something i can agree upon. but the fate issue, as i have said countless times, is not for everybody.
man, why is it that fate/destiny is so overrated? that many people actually believe that someone is actually made to be their lifetime partner. if this is universally true, then why do we have celibates(singles who did not get married)?
(this doesn't mean that things like serendipity do not exist. it's just extremely rare, thus relying on them to find our love is downright foolish.)
for more info i recommend that you read "how to find your one true love."
oh so you mean to tell me, that EXPERIENCE TELLS ALL?
well, for me, your own world is yours alone, share it with someone of your standards if i may say.
but wait, you won't talk to someone who doesn't have experience? well, what's the point? IF YOU WILL BE GOING AROUND THAT PHILOSOPHY, JUST DON'T BELIEVE ALL THE THINGS YOUR FRIENDS/PARENTS/TEACHERS/ELDERS TELL YOU, DON'T BELIEVE THEM IF THEY DON'T SHOW YOU FIRST-HAND.
i guess what you want is EXPERIENCE?
what for?
to get hurt and to stand up again?
or not get hurt yet stand still.
what do you want? do you think you would get better if you fall down? NO I DON'T THINK SO.
we only have one life, we have no time to make MORE MISTAKES than whatever we had done before.
and oh, please tell me this,
ARE YOU ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED HAVING ONLY ONE RELATIONSHIP?
damn dude, that's sick!
WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT SOMEONE COULD LOVE ONCE.
well, that my friend, is what we call, "SUPERIORITY COMPLEX"
that's what you think, but what do you call having friends? isn't it a relationship as well? is it not a form of love but as friends only and not a romantic partner?
wait.
"now, you mentioned you don't want first-hand experiences because you fear the dangers that accompany it. you would rather use other people's experiences as basis. if you ask me, those are suicidal wods in a debate. in my view, with thsoe words, you have conceded this debate to me."
not~reading~the~typos.
how would that be suicide? i was emphasizing a point but maybe you did not get it, let me clarify it for you my friend.
I DO NOT WANT RELATIONSHIPS WHICH WOULD BE INVALUABLE AS TIME PASSES BY, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AS IT ALL SEEMS, EVERYONE IS UNIQUE, WHICH MEANS NOT ALL "EXPERIENCES" WOULD HELP.
"yes, waiting is a quality of love. this belief however is fueled by the one idea that your one true love will come when you least expect it. but as i have pointed out, what if it didn't come? does that mean you'll deprive yourself of the love you deserve just because s/he didn't come to pick you up? very circumstancial, isn't it?"
true, it is circumstancial. but why would you just wait and see what happens? those are the things that tambays do. they just lay around and do nothing at all.
what if you are a doctor? would your "quality time" with a girlfriend be better than SAVING SOMEONES LIFE? OR HELPING OTHER PEOPLE? let me think, i would pick the latter one why? because girlfriends can still stop! they do NOT last forever as you always say. and let me tell you this, the story of life around relationships would mark a comma in your time line but some help you need could put a period on your life.
so why would you wait forever? i never told you that i would just wait forever for the perfect person right? i can still do things normally, having a drink with friends, eat out with family, go to mass, without a girl. a girl to love for a relationship would only mean companionship to another level. so what's more than that? SEX? no, you can get that from anywhere in manila. KISSES? why not kiss your nephews/nieces. WARMTH? go back to your family and spend time with them.
look, and see. we have been given a lot of things not just to look at love romantically, but sometimes, even in waiting for one, we can see that all things happen for a reason, fate gives us a lot of chances and if you do not see it, you cannot grab it, and it might make you a celibate.
why would you want a partner? me? why would i want a partner?
i want to continue my legacy, that is all. i can have intimacy with girl friends and even have sex with others, i just want someone to help me parent another seed for the future.
i do not need someone who is beautiful, we have plastic surgery
i do not need someone who is mabait lang, we have prayers
what i need is someone who would help me guide my future son/daughter to the best man/woman they would ever be. that is all.
lastly.
"what i have not expected though is how you started questioning the basis of my assumptions. i maybe wrong but in my world, i cannot be wrong, since i myself have experieced what i have shared in my blog, and that other people's works and researches and experiences have confirmed what i believed. again, no offense but the basis of your assumption came from conventional wisdom and psychology. while these two branches have legitimacy their grounds are confirmed by experiences, which apparently you don't have at the moment."
those conventional wisdom and psychology would never be around if not applicable to many people, theories are accepted because they were never proven wrong, and i want my own theory on love to be proven wrong so to say i am incorrect and i would gladly accept defeat. but sorry, nothing has passed my standards yet.
thank you for your long comment.
"but wait, you won't talk to someone who doesn't have experience? well, what's the point? IF YOU WILL BE GOING AROUND THAT PHILOSOPHY, JUST DON'T BELIEVE ALL THE THINGS YOUR FRIENDS/PARENTS/TEACHERS/ELDERS TELL YOU, DON'T BELIEVE THEM IF THEY DON'T SHOW YOU FIRST-HAND."
not neccesarily. but i'd rather talk to someone with a legitimate experience than someone who flood himself with theories and other people's researches mainly because of its legitimacy. you see, a person may talk about all the theories he has learned throughout his lifetime but when it all boils down to it, it is one's own personal experience which will confirm (or even disprove) those theories (which is not proven correct as well..if it is, then it is no longer a theory).
"i guess what you want is EXPERIENCE?
what for?"
answer: "we only have one life, we have no time to make MORE MISTAKES than whatever we had done before."
that's why experiences are important.
"ARE YOU ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED HAVING ONLY ONE RELATIONSHIP?
damn dude, that's sick!
WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT SOMEONE COULD LOVE ONCE.
well, that my friend, is what we call, "SUPERIORITY COMPLEX"
that's what you think, but what do you call having friends? isn't it a relationship as well? is it not a form of love but as friends only and not a romantic partner?"
oh my, i thought you understood that the relationship i was talking about is "romantic" relationships. because if we talk about friendly relationships, then love as choice is more dominant in that one (i can thoroughly elaborate on this one if you want to).
"I DO NOT WANT RELATIONSHIPS WHICH WOULD BE INVALUABLE AS TIME PASSES BY, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AS IT ALL SEEMS, EVERYONE IS UNIQUE, WHICH MEANS NOT ALL "EXPERIENCES" WOULD HELP."
good thing you explained that one. yes, i agree that everyone is unique. but all experiences, even the petty ones, are valuable (others tend to be invaluable, which by the way is greater than being valuabe..look that up in the dictionary) as they make up the entirety of one's presonality.
"look, and see. we have been given a lot of things not just to look at love romantically, but sometimes, even in waiting for one, we can see that all things happen for a reason, fate gives us a lot of chances and if you do not see it, you cannot grab it, and it might make you a celibate."
hmm. i see you really believe in fate. ok, i'll let you revel in your belief of destiny. but once you have the neccessary experiences, let's have another talk again.
"ARE YOU ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED HAVING ONLY ONE RELATIONSHIP?"
yes, more experienced than you. yes i still have a lot to learn though. which is why i read the book, asked other people, and heard seminars, thus confirming what i have posted.
"WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT SOMEONE COULD LOVE ONCE."
huh? why?
"EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AS IT ALL SEEMS, EVERYONE IS UNIQUE, WHICH MEANS NOT ALL "EXPERIENCES" WOULD HELP."
if you are saying my experiences won't help you, then i may agree with that. but of course, you can use these experiences from other people to help improve yourself.
finally, i concede the fact that not everyone will have similar experiences. you may not experience what i have experienced. but i tell you. don't discount the fact that the same thing may happen to you. and that choosing to love exists and more powerful than you can ever imagine. and i'll guarantee that someday you'll get the picture.
waitttttt.
i talked to two different persons kanina about their lovelife.
pareho silang nagkaroon na ng pasts.
nakaranas na sila ng marami.
pareho sila ng sinabi.
mas gusto nila ung feeling ng romantic relationship na puso lang at very spontaneous lang sila!
not the one that depends on choices lang tska tamang decisions.
wala daw sakanilang tumatagal ng madalas with relationships na analyze first before relationship eh. mas nagustuhan nila ang mga nangyari lang, as in nangyari lang. :))
so bale on experience, more sila sayo, so mas maniniwala ako sakanila XD
at nung kwinento ko ung points mo sakanila at sa akin (umabot ng 4 hours discussion to mind you XD lols), mas sang-ayon sila sa akin kasi mas gusto nila ang "pure love" kaysa nga sa mga nangyari sakanila dati.
wahaha. pero since nagconcede ka na.
panalo na me tlga yehey!
do i know these people? i would like to have a discussion with them. hehe.
if that's not possible, i have some questions for them:
1. are they in a relationship now?
2. how many relationships have they been involved with? how long did these relationships last?
3. how old are they?
that's all. of course, kung walang taym para maitanong mo sa kaninla yan, ok lang. hehehe.
lex
mga kaklase ko this summer classes.
anyway,
2 sila dba.
isa si raq, mainly kwinento sa akin ni khai ung sakanya. pero nakausap ko narin sya other time lang, mas nakausap ko ng masinsinan si khai eh. madaldal eh!
anyways, pareho sila 19.
si khai in a relationship ngayon ulet.
ung kwento tungkol kay raq, niloko sya ng guy, (nagsimula yan sa hindi pure love ika ko.) yun lang ung kinatapusan nila.
si khai, ung una nya nagdecide na itigil lang bigla after a long while. pero hindi sila ung pure love na todo todo. ung ngayon ganon sila and sabi nya, mas ok ung ngayon kaysa ung mga nakaraan. XD
si raq hindi in a relationship ata, pero may dinedate sya i know :D
done. made my conclusions. hehe. of course, i'll remind you that these are from my perspective though.
then again, i'd rather keep them for myself. yun ay kung gusto mo ishare ko ung views ko. hehe.
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